It’s time for what would normally be the KHNS news. But as a break from our regular news reporting, today’s segment is a special holiday take on regional sports, and fantasy football. It’s the playoffs for Upper Lynn Canal fantasy football leagues. And the stakes couldn’t be higher for local teams and friendships. KHNS’s Andrew Cremata attempts to report.

It’s Yuletide season in Skagway and that means that local and professional sports are taking center stage as winter winds begin to blow in earnest. Whether you’re a fan of the Skagway Panthers, Haines Glacier Bears or prefer professional teams like the Seattle Seahawks, nobody can dispute this simple fact – it’s a great time of year to be a sports fan.

“Yeah, the Boyd Worley basketball weekend last month was absolutely fabulous,” said Skagway vice mayor and self-proclaimed fantasy football expert Deb Potter. “I followed the Region V wrestling tournament in Haines and I’ve spent far too many Sundays watching football to keep up with my, I’m just going to say it, incredible fantasy football team.”

Like many Skagwegians, Potter is an active supporter of local sports teams and enjoys an occasional bowling match at the Elks lodge.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, back up, Cremata,” Potter said. “Did you say “self-proclaimed” fantasy football expert? Was that a cheap shot? Let me remind you that I’m in first place in our league and you’ve already been eliminated.”

What Potter obviously fails to understand is that I’m the current reigning champion in our fantasy football league and she has yet to even make it to a finals championship game.

There is also a reasonable explanation why I was already eliminated and it’s called player injuries. Nothing will derail a season faster than losing your best players to injured reserve.

Regardless, Potter said she was ready to move on with this news story.

“No, actually, I didn’t say that,” Potter said. I’m going to set the record straight. Your first pick did get injured but it was Christian McCaffrey, and we all know how that turned out.”

Unbothered and uninterested in Potter’s incessant rambling, I remembered that she had the first pick in our league fantasy draft and spent weeks complaining that the first pick was the worst pick. Who did Potter end up drafting with her first pick? Josh Allen, the superstar quarterback of the Buffalo Bills, likely NFL MVP and arguably the most productive fantasy football player of the season. Proving that Potter’s assertions about drafting first were not only absurd but also entirely wrong.

“Listen to you,” Potter said. “You know, you should report on how you spend somewhere around, oh I don’t know, 45 hours a week staring at your phone, maniacally researching your player statistics, and still managed to get eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. Is that what you call time well spent?”

It was about that time that Potter really started to grind my gears. However, I decided to take the high road and move on to another sports topic.

“Oh, and I almost forgot!” Potter said. “You drafted a kicker in the third round. A kicker! And it was Justin Tucker! What, did you think there was going to be a Black Friday sale on kickers and you wanted to beat the holiday rush?”

Having utterly obliterated my last nerve, Potter was unable to offer any further comment.

“No, no, no,” Potter said. “That’s not true. I’m still here. Didn’t you also offer me the most ridiculous trade ever in the history of fantasy football? No, really, you offered me Kirk Cousins for Josh Allen. Wow. I had almost forgotten about that one.”

In other news, Skagway men’s league bowlers will enter the winter break after this weekend’s games. Currently, Glory Bowl is in first place, followed by The Ravens in second and…

“Nice try Cremata,” Potter said. “You’re not changing the subject that easily. I simply want to add that, as the future league champion, I’m more than happy to give you and your listeners some fantasy football tips for this year’s playoffs.”

No, way, Potter, there is no way I’m letting you take over this newscast. Hey! What are you doing in here? This is a private studio…

Deb Potter as Host:

Listeners, if you made it to your fantasy playoffs, remember these three tips. Always play your studs, don’t forget to check the weather report for outdoor winter games, and never accept a trade with Andrew Cremata.

For KHNS, I’m Deb Potter.