It’s the final story of our two-part series about “How to Write the Perfect Valentine’s Day Card.” Today Alaska’s writer laureate and Haines local Heather Lende gives tips on how to write from the heart. And she goes out of her comfort zone when asked to craft a Valentine card to someone she doesn’t get along with.
In our last news story, award-winning author Carew Papritz taught listeners how to write a perfect Valentine’s card. Today, KHNS poses the same question to current Alaska Writer Laureate and Haines local Heather Lende.
Lende is author of four bestselling memoirs,and she spent many years as the obituary writer for the Chilkat Valley News. She says she doesn’t pigeon-hole herself as an obituary writer.
“Really everything I’ve ever written are probably love letters to this community. It’s where I live,” said Lende.
Lende says that writing obituaries for more than two decades meant that she covered more than 500 deaths. She interviewed friends, family and co-workers of the deceased. This amounted to asking thousands of the same questions. And those questions were not about death, but about love.
When all is said and done, when I’m writing one, the question that I ask is: What did they love? And: What did you love about them?” said Lende.
Lende says that whether writing a memoir, obituary or Valentine, it all comes down to the same two elements: recognition and appreciation.
“Everything’s a thank you note,” said Lende. “I mean everything’s gratitude. And love is gratitude. It’s all kind of the same thing. And it’s all wrapped up in the same thing. And we’re very good at sending thank you notes. So a Valentine, or a letter, it’s a thank you note.”
I told Lende that this was very similar to the advice from the other author I spoke with in this series. Carew Papritz, author of The Legacy Letters, said that the perfect Valentine was nothing more than the word Dear, followed by a list of three everyday things that you appreciate about the other person. Lende agreed with Papritz, but not completely.
“I just say even one,” said Lende. “And you might have two. But just one. And don’t try to make it like a haiku where you’re going 5-7-5 and trying to count. Or make it something quotable, or something shareable. Make it really specific. And that’s like any good writing. Make it specific.”
Lende has been married for over 40 years. I asked her if she could receive the perfect Valentine note from her husband, what would it say? I asked her to write an example on the spot. It was outside the scope of her unofficial duties as Writer Laureate, but she was a good sport.
“I think I would like it to say something like, ‘Thank you for challenging me to get out of my routine and my schedule everyday. And to learn to appreciate surprises,” said Lende.
And then I really challenged her sportiness. I asked Lende what Valentine she would write, if she were giving it to someone who she didn’t get along with. A Valentine that would spread the love, in places where love seemed barren. It was a tough question. Lende closed her eyes for over thirty seconds. She looked like she was in pain. Then she opened her eyes and said,
“Wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in a community where we felt good about each other? And supported by each other? And how do you think we can make that happen? And is it possible that we can do that together?”
Her Valentine didn’t give a specific compliment, or a specific moment of thanks. It asked a specific question: How can we start to feel good about each other?
Join us again tomorrow for coverage on Tuesday night’s Haines Borough Assembly Meeting.
